I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
