Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize