there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
