At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
