I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
