He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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