so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
