We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
