Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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