he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
