you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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