hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
