no, he came in my armpit
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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