Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
