i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
