I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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