There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize