i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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