Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize