I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
