He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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