Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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