dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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