So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
