I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
