so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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