i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
