Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
