I CAN MOONWALK!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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