thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
