am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
