I'm drive I can fine osifer
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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