her vagine was all disorganized.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
