You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
