What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
