The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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