just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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