So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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