I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
