sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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