we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
