I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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