I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
