you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
