I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
