I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my being single is dangerous.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
