how can u be prego again
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
