i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
