it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
