we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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