# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
