I will die if light touches me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
