Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
