I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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