u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
