it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
