Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
