I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
