the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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