i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
