We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
