Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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