Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
